Back in February, Pants went to Memphis. He was so excited to visit Fed Ex and learn all the ins and outs of a major shipping empire. Alas, he soon found that Osama Bin Laden had ruined this opportunity. Fear of terrorist attack meant even regular folks, like Pants, were no longer allowed to tour the facility. Pants was upset, and feared he might never discover the secrets of package delivery and distribution.

 
Enter Handsome Boy Shipping. HBS knows everything about postal trade and manages the ins and outs of a massive company. He is also hilarious. After some finagling, HBS agreed to waste sometime being interviewed by nakashon and shared his thoughts on some extremely important topics and also shed some light on some difficult shipping issues. Read on.

Pants: How does it feel to be "handsome?"  

HBS: Its a constant struggle....do I continue to build the Handsome Boy Shipping Empire with my good looks or do I give it all up to model for such classy and notable mags like
International Male and Fine As Fuck Monthly.

Pants: What is the largest box you have ever scene?

HBS: Scene or seen?  If its "scene" and you are referring to a movie scene, i just rented Fat Gash Hos Vol 6: Chicks who need their monster boxes stuffed.

Pants: What is the most bizarre shipping request you have handled?

HBS: Rob Heppler from Weekly Drop asked me to take a trip to a certain book
store in Boys Town and send him some educational mags such as "Little
Boys Love Skin Flutes", "Skinner Weekly", and "Our Little Secret
Monthly."

Pants: Who has the best boobs in the world?

HBS: Honestly, I like all tits.  But don't get me wrong, I certainly appreciate a set of fake cans. But the problem is they are a novelty that wears off after a few tit fucks and a
few games of motor boat.  At the end of the day, I find beauty in any and all racks.

Pants: Other than the request to be interviewed for nakashon, what is the weirdest email you have received?

HBS: The Nakashon email takes the cake. Hands down.  I still don't know why the fuck anyone would want to interview me.

Pants: Can you pass the presidents fitness test?

HBS: I smoke heaters all day.  But I know I can easily pass that shit.  I may be many things.. Liar, scumbag, dog enthusiast, multiple felon, mentally unstable, and the most
handsome fucking shipper in the world...but I'm not some out of shape fat
fuck.  Prison has preserved me.  I'm in the best shape of my life. I'm ready
to be a struggling B grade hack actor who eventually gets spit out at the
bottom of the gay porn industry.

Pants: Who would you most like to kick in the balls and why?

HBS: I'm not really a kick in the balls kind of guy.  I'd just try and split your fucking coconut.

Pants: What is your favorite cartoon? Why?

HBS: Peanuts because Snoopy is an amazing dog.  Such a free thinker.  And free
thinkers are dangerous.

Pants: What's the smallest box you've ever shipped?

HBS: 12x9x3..standard tee shirt box.  Sorry dude but my job requires no skill, talent, creativity, or free thought so this answer is going to be the same.

Pants: What style of shipping do you prefer: land, sea, air?

HBS: I don't give a fuck. Whatever the people want.  

Pants: Have you ever shipped a living thing?

HBS: Nope.

Pants: If you could ship yourself anywhere in the world, where would it be and how would you get out?

HBS: That's easy.  I'd do an overnighter to Hell.  I'm going there anyways so why not speed up the process and take me off the miserable stand up count commonly referred to as life.  I'm sure the devil himself would give me a nice "handsome" welcome.

Pants: Is it true that you own more sneakers than almost anyone?

HBS: I don't know where that rumor started but I don't even like sneakers.  I wish I could have a better rumor about me than owning some fucking sneakers.  Something
cool that would get me bitches.

Pants: What percentage of people at your office can you beat at paper football?

HBS: I work alone.  But I'm a loser so I guess that's 100%